“I kissed a girl and it’s yucky. I wish I had listened to Mommy…”
-Me, singing my new version of “I Kissed a Girl” for Tristan

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Heard last nite during the 4th quarter of the Lakers/Nuggets game:

“Tori, you know if they win you’ll get LU-CK-YYYYYYY.”
-Sei

“Man, if they lose I”m gonna have to cut you off babe.”
-Sei

**ROLLING EYES REALLY LOUDLY**
-Me
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Heard everytime I walk in the bathroom… still

“Pee or poop Mom?”
-Liv

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Heard ’round the world and blogosphere:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NO COOL STORY!!!
I ? ya!!!!

(ps. I mailed your gift late. UPS should deliver it by Monday. That is all…)

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You can go to Reidsupply.com and check out the free cad drawing designs!!! It’s a super cool site and easy to navigate.

 

1) When you’re making an online payment for something make sure you click the right box. Because if you accidently click the “Pay statement balance” and you still owe $7000 on your car, they are going to try to take $7000 out of your bank account. And you won’t discover this until you’re trying to buy chicken nuggets in the McDonald’s drivethru.

2) Some people suck. I can’t believe how bad some people suck. I tried to find a pic to post that would give a cleaned up version of a middle finger salute, but couldn’t. But if I did I’d be waving it to the north- and I’m not talkin’ about Oklahoma. (Or you, Yvonne!!)

3) Speaking of Yvonne!!! I got to hang out with her and her sweet hubby for a while yesterday. Jealous?? You should be!! Thanks again Yvonne! You’re awesome!

Guess what made my nite last nite? Well, actually it probably wouldn’t be appropriate to talk about it on my blog, so I’ll tell you the OTHER thing that made my nite last nite. I’m walkin’ in to Kroger grocery store with Tristan when I see HIM. I see “Go Conner!” Remember “Go Conner!” from this post (a must read if you missed it)??? I was totally staring at him trying to figure out where I knew him from when I saw his sweat shirt- with his school’s name. I said, “Tristan it’s the whiny kid!!” And T said, “I know Mom. Please don’t say anything. Please don’t say anything…” as I said, “Amen Brutha!” I couldn’t help myself. Tristan just kept his head down like he was mortified.
I was like, “Come on Tristan. Did you really think I was gonna say anything to him?”

“You DID say something!”

“All I said was ‘Amen Brutha!’”

“And he LOOKED at you!”

“He did? Ah man. If I had known that I would have said more like ‘Hey there’s that whiny baby from H______. Remember when y’all totally won that game? Or, ‘hey kid. I blogged about you.’ Or I could have just waved my hand in front of my face and said ‘Boo ya!‘”

“Yeah, but then he would have just thought ‘That kid has to bring his retarded mom to the store.‘”

“True…”

GO CONNER!!

*So, this weekend Alec’s basketball team won the bronze medal for their league. I hate losing and all I could think during their game was, “I hate losing. Don’t lose.” Man, I’m such a loser! Isabel’s team lost their game so they walked away with the silver medal. YAY! But get this- they were down 14 to 5 with 1:30 left in the game. Hello- it took them almost the whole game to get 5 points and the other team’s coach calls for a full court press. What?? Not only that, but there was this annoying dad yelling at his daughter on the other team. “Casey!! What are you doing?!?! GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!!!” “Don’t pass like that!!” “Don’t let her past you Casey!” “Move your feet!!” NOTHING positive at all. And he kept trying to get her attention to coach her from the stands. Ok, that is NOT good. If you wanna coach then volunteer. Otherwise, shut up. I just sat there going, “They’re 9. They’re 9. They’re 9.” I think he finally figured out I was talking to him.
Later a girl on our team got fouled, bad, but they didn’t call it. I just said to my mom, “Ooh, that was a foul.” (I don’t yell at refs at rec games.) And the man says, without looking at me, “That wasn’t a foul.” I looked right at him and I said, “When they grab your arm, Yes, it’s a foul.” BRING IT. I sooooo wanted him to say more, but he didn’t. Boring.

*I also took Isabel to the Jonas Brother’s 3-d movie. It was like a 3-D concert. Those 3-D glasses get annoying after a while, but I thought the movie/concert was good! I bought Isabel the soundtrack at the movie theater for an early birthday present and the manager walks out and gives Izzy a GINORMOUS poster to go with her cd. She was stoked!!
*I took a mega-long nap yesterday. And I wasn’t even in my bed. I was curled up on the living room floor with my head against the desk. I was watching Sei hang a ceiling fan and 3. hours. later. I woke up. Apparently Tristan took a picture of me with my phone- sleeping. Isn’t Seiuli so lucky to sleep with me? Atleast my mouth is covered up because I’m sure it was wide open. Sei laid down next to me and slept for an hour- in the living room floor. When we woke up we were laughing because we were trying to think if we ever saw any of OUR parents sleep in the living room floor…

*I slapped Tristan on Sunday. He deserved it. He was putting on a mask like this & harrassing me:

He wrapped himself up in a black sheet, walked into my bedroom and turned off the lite. He just stood there. Scared the crap out of me. Then he ran into my bathroom. Then he came over to the bed where I was studying my medical transcriptionist stuff and just stared at me. And kept moving closer. And closer. And- WHACK!- I popped him on the mask. Oops. So, what does the genius do? He backs up towards my bedroom door and comes CRAWLING at me!!! What the heck? Mask + Crawling = Tori craps pants. He’s so lucky I didn’t kick him in the face. I called Sei in the room and yelled at him- because it’s his fault. If he didn’t crawl at me trying to scare me all the time Tristan wouldn’t do it either.

And that concludes my weekend review.

First things first- Everyone go wish Lauren a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! She is a woman. She is 21. HAPPY BIRTHDAY non-sister-in-law-that-should-have-been.
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Go see Nobo and congratulate her on her 1st MEAN ANONYMOUS COMMENT. Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. She said it was her bestest comment evoh- but I beg to differ. I’m pretty sure I leave the bestest comments evoh- always. But that’s ok…
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Y’all are lucky I am able to post. I totally lost my voice last nite yelling at Tristan’s game. (haha- I am so funny.) Anyway… They were up by 9 at half and by the end of the game they were about to lose. We had 3 steals on our press and got us within 1. With like 40 seconds left this kid on our team got fouled. He never makes his freethrows – or any other shot for that matter- but the kid made BOTH of his freethrows to put us up by 1. Anyway… in the end there was 6 seconds left and the other team’s ball. This kid drives and totally shoots his layup over the rim. It didn’t touch anything and our kid rebounded it and…. WE WON!! I was so stoked! Like, psycho-stoked! I turned around to their crowd- who were totally obnoxious btw- and was all like, “Boo- ya!!!” (My poor kids…) But seriously y’all – their crowd was BAD. I don’t like it when the adults are bangin’ on the bleachers tryin’ to make these 13 yr olds miss their freethrows. Not cool.
And so was this kid on their team. His name was “Go Conner!” or maybe just “Conner” but this lady kept yelling “Go Conner!!” I called him “Crybaby” because I am cool like that. He was whining and throwing fits over everything. Granted- the old man ref was kinda lame, but he was lame both ways for the most part. There was this one time when Go Conner was called for a foul. He was stompin’ around and gripin’ and someone yelled, “Horrible call Ref!!” and Go Conner turns around to the crowd and yells, “Amen Brutha!” Amen Brutha? I was embarrassed for him. So, being the mature person I am everytime he started whinin’ I’d start going, “Whaa. Whaa!” like a baby. Later the ref was basically tellin’ him to shut up and I said, “That’s right ref! Give ‘im his paci!” Get it- because babies use pacifiers? I crack myself up.
I’m sorry, but whining and bad sportsmanship on the court is one of my pet peeves. I told Tristan if I ever saw him whining around like that on the court I’d go to his coach and tell him to take him out because obviously it was past his bedtime. I would too and Tristan knows it. I can be obnoxious in the crowd, but I wasn’t EVER on the court. I never even really talked smack. It was more fun to watch the other team get all bent out of shape while I kept shootin’ nuthin’ but net. Anyway… Go Conner’s team lost and I was happy.

I kind of like it when kids act certain ways so I have examples to show my kids. Like there’s this one kid on Alec’s team who is pretty much the wimpiest kid I’ve ever met. My dad, God bless him, is so patient. (Now that he’s coaching his GRANDkid’s team and not mine.) He works with this kid and encourages him to not be wimpy in a nice way. But one time during a time out he was putting this kid in and he said, “Now are you gonna get in there and rebound!?!” like all pumped up and this kid just looked at him like he said it in French. So, my dad said it again, “Are you gonna get in there and rebound?!” and the kid said, “I’m not really that good at jumping and stuff…” Ok MY reaction would have been, “Then take your butt back to the bench.” but my dad said, “The most important thing to THINKING you can do it!! Get in there and tell yourself I CAN REBOUND.” (I am positive if I had told my dad what this kid said when he was coaching ME his reaction would have been, “Then take your butt back to the bench…” but whatev.) After the game I told my kids, “If I EVER hear you tell your coach you don’t think you can do it I will take you home right then and sign you up for chess club. I DO NOT have wimpy kids!! Got that??”

Am I mean?

The same kid fell in a game and limped all dramatic off the court. My dad told him to not sit down and walk it off during 1/2 time so his leg didn’t get stiff. What did Wimp Boy do? He walked over to his mommy in the crowd, sat down and cried. OMGosh. I was DYING. DYING y’all. I don’t do wimpy. I don’t. Ask Sei. I am the most unsympathetic caregiver ever. When Kelsea and Karlea were little EVERYTHING made them cry. They’d fall, a lot, and I’d say the same thing I do with my kids, “Hop back up. You’re ok.” and they were. They were fine. But the minute Daddy got home from work, 5 hours after they fell, they would run to him, crying about their huge “injury.” DROVE ME CRAZY. I think Sei thought I was mean, but I wasn’t. I just wasn’t gonna say, “Oh. Did you get a boo boo? Ooh, let me a waste put a Hello Kitty bandaid on NOTHING!! that massive boo boo. Poor poor poor poor baby!” Not gonna happen. And you know what? Now those girls fall and bounce back up like it’s nobody’s business! I take credit for that. (Not the falling, just the getting up.) I also moved the stool from the potty for them because they didn’t need it, had them stop sleeping in pullups and clean up their own wet sheets which in turn helped to sleep thru the nite without wetting their pants and I showed them they could indeed open the door like their cousin who was 18 months younger than them. I let them try, explore and yes, get skinned knees, and they are awesome and more independent because of it. They just needed someone to not hold their hand in every little thing. I think kids need that. They need someone to tell them to be tough. It’s like Izzy. This is her 1st year playing basketball and when she runs on the court she runs all timid and like something is stuck in her butt. I told her that. I told her, “You can beat all the boys in your class at school. You are so fast and so athletic. So why do you run like a pencil is in your butt on the court?” She didn’t cry. She laughed. And she practiced running hard and being tough. See- she’s not warped. And that didn’t really have anything to do with the wimpy boy on Alec’s team. I am rambling…

So, anyway… I am thankful for wimpy kids, whiney kids, bad teen drivers, etc… that I can point out to my kids and say, “That kind of behavior is not gonna cut it.” So, thank you parents who let your kids act like wimps, babies, etc… so I can show my kids what not to be.
Can I get an “AMEN Brutha!! Sista!!” ????

Or am I mean?

Y’all gon’a make me lose my mind up in HERE, up in here
Y’all gon’ make me go all out up in here, up in here
Y’all gon’ make me act a FOOL up in HERE, up in here
Y’all gon’ make me lose my cool up in here, up in here

(DMX – Party Up)

Let me preface this post by saying – I love Taj and Liv. I do. They are awesome and I am so thankful to have them. The summer Tristan, Alec and Isabel went to Texas and I was pregnant with Taj was the worst summer ever. I didn’t know what to do. I was bored to tears, lonely, and fat. I am so thankful I have Tajy and Livie & I don’t ever have to send them away to anyone for visitation. They’re awesome. But holy crap- I had forgotten what it’s like to have 2 small children- and no older ones. I’m so used to having and 3 year old and 17 month old at home during the day. But at 3pm I kinda get a break because the older kids come home from school. I take Izzy to gymnastics and can run to the grocery store without taking the little ones with me. There’s other kids home to take Taj outside to ride his bike, jump on the trampoline, play Transformers, etc…

The last 5 weeks with the older ones are gone…ugh. There is no 3pm break time. Whaa. I am so glad I only have 6 days until my kiddos come home. I am so bored. Sooooooooooo bored. And not motivated to do anything. (Except blog, but that’s important!) I don’t wanna cook dinner. I don’t wanna clean the house. I don’t wanna go outside- even with our new beautiful yard. I just wanna stay inside, drink diet Dr. Pepper, and sit on my butt. Could I be a little depressed? Quite possibly…
I’ve tried to be proactive and force myself out of the house. I signed Taj up for swim lessons and he absolutely loves it. Livie and I are taking a Mom & Me class. Holy Gay!! I feel so stupid singing “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” as we walk along the pool wall. And Livie senses the gayness because she screams the entire time. Not because she’s scared of the water, but because she wants me to put her down. Since we’re in 3 feet water I can’t put her down. We’ve left “class” everyday early to play in the shallow water. She’s in heaven. But then she goes psycho when it’s time to leave. So, yeah, that’s always fun.
The kids come back next Thursday. They fly in a little after noon and then Kelsea and Karlea arrive about 3 hours later. So, we’ll go from 2 to 7 kids. And I am SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! Am I crazy? Maybe. I’m realizing that I’m just a lame little kid mom now. With the 1st three I didn’t know how awesome it could be to have older kids, so I rocked at being a little kid mom. We went to the library. We played at McDonalds. I made felt books! (When you read that say it like Lloyd on Dumb and Dumber “Our pets heads are fallin’ off!!) Yeah, well, I don’t know what happened to that mom. She got old I guess. Or figured out you could just buy felt books. You don’t have to make them…

This is Taj. Or as we like to refer to him “Spaz Boy” or “Punk.” This kid is a handful. I didn’t realize that until Liv was born. There’s a few things about him that I have to credit my husband’s genes for, because none of my other children have been like this. For one thing, he is a runner. Meaning- he runs from me in public. All the time. The library- he runs. The grocery store- he hops out of the basket and runs. And most recently- when we’re getting in the van, he runs. We went to Kid to Kid to buy a double stroller. When we were leaving I put Liv in the van and went around back to open the trunk door. Taj crawled in thru the back and over the back seat. I messed with the stroller, got it folded and shut the back. I went around to the sidedoor by Taj’s seat. I didn’t see him at 1st, but since all the other doors had been shut I knew he was in the van. At least, I thought I knew he was in the van… I figured out after a minute that he was not in the van. I noticed people in the car next to mine so I asked them if they had seen a little blonde boy get out of my van. I thought “Surely if they had seen him they would have got my attention!” Nope. This was the man’s answer, as he chuckled, “Yep. He took off a while ago!” Gee- thanks. IDIOT!! (Say that like Napoleon Dynamite and it’s funny.) So, I take off down the sidewalk thinking he went back thru the kidsize door at Kid to Kid. Uh, no such luck. I look up and I see this small blonde child DANCING ON TOP OF A PARKED CAR! What would possess him to do that?? (Polynesians dance a lot, so again it must be Sei’s genes.) I didn’t know if I should claim him as mine or keep walking. There were witnesses (the dorks in the car by me) so I had to claim him. I grabbed him off his “stage” and headed back to the car where my baby girl was just waiting to be kidnapped. I called Sei and told him I was never, ever, ever, going into public again with Taj. Then I called my sister, fellow mother of a runner. She had a good laugh, then informed me that although my story was funniest, she won most embarrassing for the time she had to chase my nephew across a soccer field wearing her swimsuit.
Another thing I contribute to his Samoan genes is Taj’s loud, ugly cry. It has NEVER been cute. Sei has a very loud family (not quiet and demur like mine…not) so it has to be from his side, right?? Anyway- Taj was colicky as a baby, and now, he’s just obnoxious yet cute enough to get away with it. (Say “obnoxious” like the fish on Finding Nemo. “I’m obnoxious!” The more you read my blog, the more you’ll see I’m a movie quote freak.) Taj’s newest thing is waking up in the middle of the nite crying for “choc nilk!” aka chocolate milk aka his only source of nutrients. Now, it wouldn’t be that bad, except he is SO stubborn (Again- Sei’s side…) and will cry for 25 minutes for choc nilk when we refuse to get it for him. We don’t want his teeth to rot out or his bladder to fill up. He’s not potty training yet, but he will be in the near future… I think. Anyway- he will wake up a couple of times a nite crying for milk. He wakes up more than the baby. Some nites it’s apparent to me why some people beat their children. But since I am not a child abuser, I don’t. But if I was, I would. (I’m totally kidding. Anal people with no sense of humor please do not report me to Child Protective Services.) I don’t know what to do. But then during the day he is so funny and sweet that I can’t help but to forgive and forget the psycho nites. Until about 2am when I am reminded again…

DISCLAIMER aka “Covering my butt”: All references made about Sei’s side of the family were all in fun. And for the record- I am just being sarcastic. Taj is awesome and the funniest kid. Yesterday he tried to pick up the wall and said it was “Too hea-by!!” (too heavy) And just now he ran in the room with a shirt on and nothing else, telling me about his “penuts.” Figure that one out on your own.