The tragedy in Ogden, Utah, where 6 police officers were shot, killing one, has weighed heavy on my heart. Maybe it’s because we lived in Utah for 7 years. Maybe because there were SIX men shot at once. I don’t know. But something changed in my head and heart. I worry more about Seiuli. I’ve always worried and stressed, but it’s different now. And it’s not just me. I feel like I have taken a little bit of innocence away from my almost-6 year old…
This is a video tribute someone made for Officer Jared Francom.

I was watching it with the older kids. It’s a beautiful tribute. But when Livie came in and asked why there were so many police cars in the “movie” I told her, “Because a policeman died and they are there to honor him.” Then she asked, “Why’d he die?” I have a horrible habit of being VERY honest with my kiddos. I looked at her and said, “A bad man shot him.” I didn’t think much about it until I found these pictures she drew and folded up in her little purse:

 

Bless her little heart. She also cried. She also begged Seiuli not to go to work and has told me repeatedly, “I don’t want Daddy to work anymore.” I don’t know how to comfort her really because I don’t know how to comfort myself. I have bad nights when I am crying in bed just praying that Seiuli comes home. The other night I talked with another police wife who’s husband works on my husband’s shift. She lives near where our husband’s work and could hear the sirens and helicopters flying over her house. They were hunting an armed robber. Holy stress. Then I receive a call from Seiuli- HE caught the robber, at gunpoint, after running down a dark alley and jumping a fence. Yay for catching robbers. Boo for making my heart stop as he told me the story. But I digress.

I feel like a loser mom for being so honest with Liv. I should have given a more thoughtful answer. Instead my big mouth spoke before I let myself think it through and now she’s scared and worried about her daddy… I’m old enough to work to my emotions and handle the stress. I feel horrible that she is feeling even a tiny glimpse of what I feel every time Seiuli straps on his duty belt… and even worse because it’s my fault.

Late last night started out normal… I watched “Teen Mom 2″ and then before going to bed checked my Facebook news feed. I rarely visit walls and my news feed is usually full of updates from pages I “like” such as The Police Wife Life, The Thin Blue Line, etc… So, the last thing I was reading about before bed was breaking news from KSL.com about 6- yes, SIX- Odgen, Utah police officers had been shot. As I lay there with my sweet, Officer of the Year I was literally nauseous. I told him what happened. He read the info the news had and said, “What the hell?” and that was all he said. I know in his head he was thinking more. Probably something along the lines of “Why do you show me crap like that? I have to work tomorrow!” And a lot of the times I think, “Why do I read crap like this? My heart, my life, has to work tomorrow!” Well, I woke up this morning scared to read the news. Yes… sadly one of the officers died, another is in critical condition and the other 4 are still in the hospital being treated as well.  I am so angry, stressed, sad… I can’t even express what I am feeling right now. I just know I didn’t put on mascara before starting this post… because I am already crying and will continue to do so.

Anyone who is friends with me on Facebook probably thinks that I am depressing because I am constantly posting links from the Officer Down page and other LEO related links. Well… It IS depressing. It’s depressing that in December 2011 alone 19 officers died, TWELVE by gunfire. It used to be automobile wrecks I worried about most (and my husband survived a BIG one), but gunfire deaths are increasing rapidly. According to stats:

Since the beginning of 2009, the felonious deaths of law enforcement officers by gunfire has steadily increased; we saw a 35 percent increase in deaths by gunfire in 2009, and another 17 percent increase above that in 2010. Unfortunately 2011 proved to be not only worse, but it ended with the highest amount of officer deaths by gunfire in years — 68 federal, state and local officers died by gunfire, a 15 percent jump from last year when 59 were killed. It marks the first time in 14 years that firearms fatalities were higher than traffic-related deaths. (Source: www.thepolicewifelife.com/2012/01/a-call-to-action-by-melissa-littles-and-chelsea-spenser/ and www.odmp.org)

And today, let’s see… It’s January 5th and there has been 3 officers killed by gunfire in 2012.  WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??????!!!!!! I do not comprehend. I don’t WANT to comprehend what the hell is going on in the heads of the losers who shoot these officers. It’s like the cops aren’t real to them. A police officer is a human being behind that badge. There was a shooting at my husband’s department this year. 2 people I know and respect were shot at by some drunk who probably didn’t even remember what he did in the morning. He shot at 2 GOOD men. They shot back, wounding him in the leg, and you know what they did after that? They went and administered first aid until an ambulance arrived. You know what I wanted to do? I wanted to go kick the guy where he was shot, HARD, and tell him that one of those officers is an amazing DWI officer who joined my Walk Like MADD team last year and helped raise half our money. The other officer is the one who escorted me and my dad to the hospital so I could be there with Seiuli after his accident. He also lives down the street from me and always buys cookie dough from my kid’s when they are selling it for a school fundraiser. These are amazing people and this jackass SHOT at them. That night at around 2am I received a text from Sei. 3 words: “I love you.” I knew something had happened. He always sends texts like that when something bad has happened.

People tend to think “Well, that’s part of the job….” when it comes to the injury or death of an officer. Since when is being killed EVER considered “part of the job?” And better yet, why do people seem unfazed by it? My dad is a CPA. If 19 CPAs were shot and killed in one month it would be national news, right? So when SIX police officers from one department are shot in one night, why is the first “news” story I see on Yahoo: “Clay Aiken’s Odd New Face”?? Another big story? “Texas Police Kill 8th-grader Carrying Pellet Gun.” Of course the title paints the officers in a negative light. If you read the article and look at the picture of the “pellet gun” you will see 1) The gun looks VERY real  2) He was given plenty of opportunities to drop the weapon. But no… the boy’s parents are blaming the police for not just shooting to “bring him down.” Two officers shot a total of 3 times. Ok, this isn’t the movies. Cops aren’t trained to shoot out the knee cap to “bring someone down.” They are trained to shoot to kill. I am saddened by the entire story. It’s horrible that a 15 year old died. It’s horrible officers had to kill a kid. No one wants to do that. But the boy pointed, and would not lower, a gun towards officers- in a school full of 11-15 year old kids. The Utah police officer shooting was in the news…  7 stories down the list. A story in Iraq was first.

I am so frustrated right now. I’m tired of people writing “FML” for their Facebook status over spilled milk or a hang nail. There is a wife out there in Utah who received that call she knew she might receive but prayed she never would. She has to tell her 2 young children that their daddy is dead. Cops are being ambushed, sitting in their police car writing reports or waiting for a red light. They are the new target, the new enemy. I’ve even read people write “Cops are just another gang.” Bless your poor, stupid brain. It must be tough going through life that ignorant. You can say what you want, but that “gang” would still try to save you if you needed help. Would you do the same for someone who treats you like crap? And yes, it may be their job, and there are some jerks on power trips, but to take that job for the pay LEO receive… they deserve respect. They deserve respect from your children. Don’t tell your kids that they need to be good or “that policeman over there is going to take you to jail.” How does that make your children view police officers? They deserve respect from you. Don’t say “I pay your salary!” when they do their job and enforce the law you were breaking. They deserve respect from the media. You will see 10 “bad cops” stories to the 1 “good cop” story and it’s all about ratings. How much of this video I am posting did you see on the news? Just the maybe 10 “peaceful protestors” being sprayed with pepper spray like the cop was watering a garden? Yeah, me too. However, if you watch the entire video there are hundreds of students surrounding the police officers, and they were asked to clear a path several times so the cops could take the detainees. The protestors refused. This, my friend, is called breaking the law.

But we never were shown the 15 minute video or this angle. The media only showed a 30 second snippet. Same with all the freakin’ OWS videos. I love how I had to search and search to find the video of the unprovoked protestor pushing over a motorcycle cop’s bike or the other angle of the man’s foot supposedly being run over by a motorcycle- it so was NOT under the tire. Ridiculous.

I don’t know what I hope to gain by writing this. I just needed to get it out. I have had a love/hate relationships with cops since I was 14. Sometimes I have been on the wrong side of the law and other times I am lying beside the law. I love my officer and I want him home safe with me. He’s not just the “PoPo” to me and our children. He’s my best friend, my lover, my heart… He’s a wonderful dad and a caring, thoughtful man. He’s more than an unknown behind a badge. He is real. He is loved.

If you’re my friend on Facebook you already know this, but if not, this is the story of a miracle that happened in our family this weekend.

Saturday evening before my husband left for work I grabbed him to take a picture. He just bought me a new iPod Touch and I didn’t have any pics of him on it. I took this picture:

At 12:50am my phone started vibrating. I said hello and this is what I heard on the other end of the line, “Tori? This is Sgt. Jesse Hunter from LPD…”

Yep- it was my nightmare coming true. The police department was calling me in the middle of the night to tell me something had happened to my husband. I am thankful for several things: 1) We say a family prayer every night before Sei leaves for work to pray for his safety. 2) I have run thru so many scenarios in my head over and over just in case I got “the call.” I wanted to make sure I stayed calm so I could get all the facts and information I needed. And I did.

Sgt. Hunter went on to tell me Seiuli was involved in a “pretty significant accident” but was going to be “ok.” He didn’t know his injuries yet, definitely a hurt arm and possibly a busted nose “from the airbag.” I just tried to pay attention to all he was telling me, think clearly and figure out what to do. I called my dad who called my brother. When I called my dad that was the 1st time I had to say out loud “Seiuli was in an accident…” The words caught in my throat. I think it was a mixture of being relieved that the call wasn’t that he was dead and also because I hadn’t had to speak about it yet. It was weird.

My brother came to stay with Taj and Liv (the older kids were with the ex in Galveston.) My dad drove me to the PD where another officer escorted us to the hospital in another town. It seemed to take forever to get there. When we arrived it was kind of surreal. He was in the ER and as I walked in there were probably 8 fellow officers who weren’t even on shift who had crawled out of their beds to come check on their “brother in blue.” That was awesome. One of them gave me the low down on his condition so far. He had lung contusions and his arm was in pretty bad shape. By the time the dr saw him again and all the xrays were back, etc… he was diagnosed with a concussion, 2 lung contusions, 6 stitches in his elbow, bruising all up his arm, cuts and scrapes, busted lips, bit tongue and an imprint of his computer keyboard on his head.

He had to stay in the hospital until Monday around noon for observation. He is super sore and tired. But he is ALIVE. Apparently what happened was he was running lights and sirens to catch up with a car without any tail lights. He was going about 60mph. He had a green light at an intersection. A 62 yr old woman with 2 kids with her was going the opposite direction and turned left into him. She T-boned his driver side and threw the car into a pole. This is the 1st pic I saw from the scene:

The woman and kids were not injured. She also did not to run to the aid of the unconscious police officer packed inside his squad car. She was more worried about figuring out how to make the City pay.   Anyway, 6 or 7 witnesses placed her at fault. They were all looking because they heard the sirens. Apparently she wasn’t as observant as every one else. She received a ticket and she still hasn’t made any contact to see if she killed a man that night. Nice. Some people suck.

Anyway, I knew we were blessed that he wasn’t injured extensively. But when I actually went to see the car in person… Wow. Angels were watching over my husband and our family. How he came thru this mess with only the injuries he did is nothing short of a miracle.

I am still waiting for it to “hit me.” I haven’t even cried. I think I’m afraid if I let it all sink in that I will be a mess. My defense mechanisms have taken over. I am glad I wasn’t a total loony spaz when Sgt. Hunter called. I know that is because I had prepared myself. I could tell the officers I saw and spoke with were stressin’ it. I am thankful for all their help in getting me to the hospital and checkin’ in on Sei, me and the kids. I am grateful for the paramedics and fire fighters on the scene who used the jaws of life to get my husband out of his sardine can and took good care of him.  I am thankful for the LPD Family Association setting up meals and my church setting up play dates for Taj and Liv for the entire week. We were suppose to be going to see my sister’s family this week– Taj and Liv have been counting down the days. The playdates will help make their spring break fun.  My little sister, Ali, watched Taj and Liv all day Sunday and cleaned my kitchen. That’s not an easy task. Our family has been blessed in so many ways. I know my Heavenly Father sent guardian angels to surround my husband that night. There is no real explanation as to why only the small section of the driver’s area was left unharmed. It’s like the metal was bent around him to protect him. I will be forever grateful for all the many blessings. Most of all, I am so thankful my husband is home with me tonight.

Seiuli was getting dressed for work tonite… a regular weekend thing. But this time as I watched him (heh- I watched him get dressed. Jealous??) I noticed a few things that I DO NOT like.

Exhibit #1:  A tourniquet that is carried “on his person” in the event one is needed for him or even for another fellow officer.

Exhibit #2: 1st of all, ignore the background. Note the black band across his badge? Yes, that is because yet another officer in Texas was killed in the line of duty. They wear the black until after the funeral. Today an officer in San Antonio died after being hit by a drunk driver 2 weeks ago. He had been out of the academy for 7 weeks. That’s the 14th fallen officer in Texas this year and the 3rd in October.

Exhibit #3: The tag on Seiuli’s bullet proof vest lists his blood type (O-Neg) and the fact that he has no allergies.

However, I DO like this (if you don’t look at the messy closet background…)

Like my title? I think this may become a regular post…

Last nite my husband was on a call. He had to go to a gross motel where people were doing meth. The meth-heads let him and another cop into their room. There was baggies of meth everywhere. The male meth addict was sitting on the bed when out of no where he says, “Can I wipe my a$$?“  Sei was like, “WTH?” The guy repeated himself, “I was taking a sh** before you got here, so can I wipe my a$$?” Seiuli told him, “Too bad. Just stay there.”

The guy stands up, pulls his pants down, grabs a napkin off the table, bends over and wipes his friggin’ butt right there in front of 2 cops and a female meth-head. Then he tosses the napkin back on the table. OH.MY.HELL Y’all.  When Sei was telling me this I nearly threw up. How nasty is that? Sei was like, “Did you seriously just do that? You are such a meth addict. You’re a 45 year old man and you just wiped your butt in front of people...”

My poor husband. How the heck does he get images like that out of his head? I wasn’t there and I’m disgusted. This is why my husband tells gross jokes. You have to joke about crap otherwise it’ll eat you up. So, right after putting the image of a meth addict wiping his butt into my head, he told me a meth-head joke. I won’t repeat it here, but… eew.

On a more serious note… Meth is so bad. I’ve seen before and after pics from mugshots Sei would bring home in Utah. But here’s a video. It’s pretty unreal.