Like my title? I think this may become a regular post…

Last nite my husband was on a call. He had to go to a gross motel where people were doing meth. The meth-heads let him and another cop into their room. There was baggies of meth everywhere. The male meth addict was sitting on the bed when out of no where he says, “Can I wipe my a$$?“  Sei was like, “WTH?” The guy repeated himself, “I was taking a sh** before you got here, so can I wipe my a$$?” Seiuli told him, “Too bad. Just stay there.”

The guy stands up, pulls his pants down, grabs a napkin off the table, bends over and wipes his friggin’ butt right there in front of 2 cops and a female meth-head. Then he tosses the napkin back on the table. OH.MY.HELL Y’all.  When Sei was telling me this I nearly threw up. How nasty is that? Sei was like, “Did you seriously just do that? You are such a meth addict. You’re a 45 year old man and you just wiped your butt in front of people...”

My poor husband. How the heck does he get images like that out of his head? I wasn’t there and I’m disgusted. This is why my husband tells gross jokes. You have to joke about crap otherwise it’ll eat you up. So, right after putting the image of a meth addict wiping his butt into my head, he told me a meth-head joke. I won’t repeat it here, but… eew.

On a more serious note… Meth is so bad. I’ve seen before and after pics from mugshots Sei would bring home in Utah. But here’s a video. It’s pretty unreal.

ROAD RAGE seems exciting. Seriously. Last nite Sei took me out for a milkshake because he’s romantic like that & I like Jack in the Box milkshakes. So… we’re heading back to our house when this idiot full on PASSES US ON THE LEFT, whips in front of us and nearly runs us off the road. The dork didn’t realize the reason we were going slower was because there was a car in front of us, so he got stuck. Anyway, as luck would have it he turned into our neighborhood. Idk if he was racing his friends behind us, but there was definitely 3 cars together.

Well, his 2 friends turned off behind us but he kept going because he thought we were following him. Ok, we were following him, but it was on the way to our house anyway. So technically…  Anyway- this part’s funny- he turned onto a street that ends in a cul-de-sac. I was all like, “Babe, let’s go confront him… I’m wearing my skull flip flops. You think anyone wants to take a roundhouse kick to the face when I’m wearin’ these bad boys?” Yeah, that’s when  Sei said, “I don’t have my gun, so let’s go home.” BUMMERman. He delivers.. So, we made him think we followed him, but then we just backed out and started goin’ home.

We see him pull out and turn the opposite direction towards back to where his friends were. I said, “Let’s go see if he was with those 2 other cars.” (Because I’m wild like that.) Well, he WAS with those guys and they were all outside and they saw us. Oops. So, we just left and started heading home.

Pay attention, here’s the thick of the plot… We’re heading home and the stupid truck pulls out behind us! The kids were home alone, we didn’t want him to see where we lived, so we turned right. He turned right. We made a loop and came back out the same place we were. So did he. Yep- he was definitely following us. We turned left. He turned left. We drove out of our neighborhood. He followed. I wasn’t really nervous. It was kinda exciting. I think he was just trying to see where we lived because he kinda hung back some… until we turned onto a street and Sei busted a U. The guy totally busted a U and then it wasn’t funny anymore.

He was following us and Sei was driving like a bat outta hell. Then we decided we needed to call 9-1-1, because let’s face it- my man didn’t have his gun, his badge and having his wife with him was makin’ him nervous. His “cop driving skills” were makin’ ME nervous. I was hangin’ on to the “O.S.” bar the whole time. lol  Anyway, right as he called 9-1-1 we saw a cop runnin’ radar on the highway. Sei flashed his brights and started pullin’ over. The truck, noticing the cop, turned his lites off and turned into a closed car lot. The cop hit his lites, DROVE DOWN THE GRASSY EMBANKMENT, and followed the truck. Yesssssssssssssssssssssss. I’m pretty sure he got pulled over- atleast for being suspicious. HAHAHAHA!

But now I’m like, “Great babe. He knows you have that stupid Laker plate frame on your car…” If he’s ever is in our neighborhood and sees it… Greeeeaaaaaattttt!!!!! Sei starts his nite shift this weekend and I am so jealous.  He gets to drive like that all the time! I told him I wanted to be a cop who chases the people, but then all the other cops can actually get the guy outta the car.  I’d just talk trash from inside my squad car…

***  Cool points if you caught the Fresh Prince lyric. Cool points if you can tell me where “Bummerman. He delivers.” is from. **

My husband started at the LPD Dec. 2007. He was a sheriff’s deputy in Utah County for 6 years before moving to Texas and joining the PD. He was on SWAT and all that good stuff that makes a wife worry more. He’s been tased, maced,  and he’s married to me. He is TOUGH. So, needless to say I feel safe with this hot, tough man.

But he’s leaving me.

For nite shift that is.

Yep, that’s right. He’s going back to his old shift. He’s been on weekday-DAY shift for 6 months and I hated it when he started because I was used to having him gone WEEKEND nites and home during the day. But now I’ve been spoiled with him in bed with me and weekend dates… Idk what I’m gonna do.

I’m NOT a chicken. I don’t mind being home at nite without him. I mean, hello, I have a GUN. (Hear that bad guys? I have a gun and even though I’m married to a cop I still believe in: 9 mm, then 9-1-1.) Anyway… moving on. I’m not scared, but sleeping alone at nite (not counting a kid or 2 who may end up in my bed) sucks. I have trouble. I feel kinda uneasy. I end up having conversations with myself. Thankfully, Sei listened to me when I told him I wanted a home security system  so when we bought our house Sei called up ADT and they hooked us up! It makes me feel better to know that I have a security system installed.  And it works well. I’ve set it off on numerous occasions. Once when Sei and I weren’t home Tristan set it off and didn’t know the code to turn it off.  ADT called the house to make sure everything was ok. Niiiice.

Anyway… I know NOTHING is gonna take the place of Sei and his guns (biceps) being there at nite, but I do feel better knowing my alarm is set and on.

Again… BAD GUYS: I have a gun and I will use it. Just sayin’…

So yesterday Sei had a “theft of service” call, which means that someone received a service and didn’t want to pay. This call happened to be at a nail salon. A woman had her nails done and then didn’t have the money to pay. When my husband arrived the  customer (who really needed to be checkin’ out the best fat burners)  was throwin’ attitude from the beginning. Seiuli is very professional and was trying to keep the situation calm, but the lady was all in his face, yelling about being treated unfairly, so he threw a lil attitude back.

To which she responded:

Aww hell no! We have a black government. We have a BLACK president and I am being mistreated by the PO-lice!

Yes. I’m serious. Seiuli even asked her:

 ”Are you freakin’ serious?”

“Yes I’m serious!”

“You think because we have a black president that you don’t have to pay for a service you received?”

“Yes…”

“Well I got news lady. We still live in America and you still have to pay for services…”

Ok, are you kidding me? Is it not scary that there are some people walking around with THAT mentality?

It’s Tad Award time. For the newbies let me explain what this award is. Almost 2 years ago I introduced these awards. A Tad Award is NOT an award you want to win. The Tad Award is basically reserved for people who suck. I hand them out occasionally. You can click on the pic of Tad to read about other Tad Award winners. Here’s today’s:

So…. Sei was at work. It was his lunch break which is suppose to be his time- although it usually gets cut short by some kind of call. Anyway… the computer in his cop car was dying and needed to be charged. It charges only when the car is on. So, he went in to Whataburger to eat, but left the car running and locked and parked where he could see it. He was in Whataburger for about 20 minutes. He ordered, ate and left. When he went back to the station the lieutenant pulled Sei aside and let him know he had received a complaint. What?? A woman had taken the time out of her day to call the police station to file a complaint. She said she was glad that all their city tax money was going towards paying for a police officer to leave his car running during a 20 minute lunch. Are you freakin’ kidding me?
1st of all – Why do people think that because they pay taxes that they own the police? Or the cops owe them something?
2nd of all- who DOES that??? Seriously??? If she was bothered or concerned could she not have just said, “Excuse me officer. Did you know your car was on?” and then he could have explained that he was charging his computer. Instead she went to his superiors and complained against my husband because he left his car running.

Gee- what a freakin’ crime biotch.

Are you kidding me?

Tad award for you. And I hope you get pulled over soon.

——-
Because you never know what other drivers are distracted doing (like complaining about stupid things!!) while they drive, make sure you have the recommended auto insurance coverage.

~ So… today I called 911. I came back from dropping the boys off at school, and had a car full of kids. When I went to unlock the door the key had a really hard time going into the lock. Like REALLY hard time. This was weird. And I could barely get it unlocked. Being the Investigation Discovery Channel junkie I am, rather than thinking that maybe my key got messed up I immediately think “There is a murderer in my house and he jimmied the lock.” So… I go back out to the car, call Sei- who was on a call and didn’t answer. Thanks Babe, call me back when you get a chance. Oh wait, nevermind, I’m already dead. (kidding babe.) Then I called the mom of one of the kids I watch and asked her if she thinks I’d be a dork to call the cops. She didn’t think I would be a dork and usually she thinks I am a dork, so this was good. So I called 911, told them that it was probably fine, but I didn’t want to be wrong and caught totally vulnerable with 5 kids. Then I threw in there that my husband is a cop and thought I should call. (That was a lie since I hadn’t talked to him yet, but oh well.) THEN Sei called, but I couldn’t answer so he’s freakin’ out thinkin’ I’m murdered. (I very well could have been!) So… the cops came, went thru my house and said it was “all clear.” I walk into my house, all the lites are on, closet doors are open and I was SO EMBARRASSED by how messy all the bedrooms were. AND one of my bras was hanging on the doorknob in the bathroom. And not a fancy Victoria Secrets bra- an ugly one. I’m so embarrassed. NONE of the beds were made, an ugly bra was on the doorknob, dirty dishes were in the sink… So embarrassed. But not dead, so that’s good.
And you know what makes me even weirder than y’all already know I am? Having the cops come save me (over-exagerrating, but it’s all good) was a TOTAL turn on. (No- the cops were not hot. It just made me want Sei home.) My husband does that EVERYDAY. How freakin’ hot is that? And how many other chicks are thinking my husband is all hot? Ok, that kinda bugs…. Next subject!

~ I totally wanna try Motocross. Am I weird? I saw this “Made” episode on Mtv- you know, where they take people and “make” them into whatever… Prom Queen, skater, BMX riders, etc… Well, I saw one where this totally prissy chick was “made” into a motocross rider. I was so bugged because: 1) She was a prissy and I know I could do it better. 2) Because I’m 32 and I was jealous of a 15 yr old prissy pants. Yes, I’m weird. I think I’m just bored as of late. I wanna try something fun and exciting. And I’m NOT prissy so if that chick could do it I’m sure I can… once I figure out how to start the darn thing.

~ I get to shoot my gun this weekend hopefully. If I do I will take pics so I can look at all baaaad….

~ Edited to add: Def Leppard, Poison (S!!!) and Cheap Trick are comin’ to Dallas on Aug. 21. I could just cry!! AND No Doubt is coming May 30!!!!! I’ll have to check into getting some cardboard displays so I can make cool signs at the concerts!! Woo hoo!!!!

So, Seiuli is working today and one of his fellow officers gets a call. A woman has called 911 because there is something suspicious on her porch. It’s broad daylite, so she can see clearly what is it, but still… she thinks it is “suspicious” and wants an officer to come check it out- STAT.

Wanna know what it was?

Go ahead…. guess.

…

….

Yep. One very suspicious empty egg carton… WTHeck???

If you missed the 1st 3 BIG NEWS posts, play catch up HERE.